Family Dinners After Divorce

Divorce can be such a difficult time for everyone, especially children. It's confusing for children to transition from having easy access to both parents to rarely seeing them in the same place at the same time.
Scheduling family dinners on a regular basis after the separation or divorce can ease the confusion for children. My ex and I did this when we got divorced over 20 years ago and the kids have actually thanked us many times since for making the effort.
We actually started the family dinners as a way to ease the kids (and maybe us) into the separation, but they continued long after we had moved on and into new relationships. Every Thursday, my ex would pick up groceries and come over after work for dinner. Even as the kids got older and more involved socially, they rarely skipped the Thursday family dinners.
The great thing about the family dinners was that they allowed the kids to feel connected as a family even though we were no longer living together. They also diminished the conflict they felt when their dad and I moved into new relationships. They could see that we were okay with the new situation so they felt more comfortable with it. They knew that there was no need for them to guard what they said to each of us because they could see that we were open with each other.
In addition to the weekly family dinners, we also spent holidays, the children's birthdays, and special occasions together (along with our new significant others).
Parental team work is especially important as children move through their teenage years. When our children were teens, their dad and I drew on the good working relationship that we maintained through our family dinners and special occasions. We were able to present a united front for the children and guide them through challenging issues as they arose.
My children are now grown, with families of their own. The interesting thing is that I've recently learned that those family dinners so many years ago were not only good for our children, but made a positive impression on their friends, some of whom are now facing their own divorces. Having seen the family dinner work so well for our family, they want to follow a similar path.
Try it in your family!
Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. In addition to helping families through mediation and arbitration, Ms. Wollard provides parenting coordination and decision-making services to families when on-going conflict prevents them from fully implementing their parenting plan after divorce. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your family's transition.
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